My note from the Universe

 

 

Juliana, the top 10 signs a really huge dream of yours is about to come true, are:

10. You regularly visualize the end result, the after-party, or beyond.
9. Every day you “show up,” doing something about it.
8. You’re not attached to how it will come true.
7. It really matters to you; you really care.
6. You know who the first 3 people are that you’ll call with the news.
5. You’re smiling and winking way more than normal.
4. Sometimes you speak and behave as if it already has.
3. It probably doesn’t depend upon specific people.
2. You already know what your next goal is.
1. You keep whispering, “Sweet! Thank you! Yes!” with clutched fist.

Sweet! Thank you! Yes!
The Universe

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Motivation

I ran a 14k trail run at the Limber Lost event back on July 14th and I will be finishing my race report one of these days. In the mean-time a friend found our finishing photos and seeing them was another rude awakening of how much weight I have gained. If I ever needed incentive this is it and although I am quite mortified to put it up for possible public display, I feel that I need to do it in order for it to serve as a constant painful reminder that I need to work  hard on changing this image.

This morning I met L for our usual Tuesday 5.00 am run and again I felt like I was wearing a weighted vest.  It was probably 30 degrees with the humidity and we were drenched right from the get go.  L is much stronger than me but she kept at my pace and in the end we completed 10k at an average of 6:15/km.

Monday Recap

Last week I was excited to get on the bike for what I could consider the first time in the season. And not only did I get out once but twice!   It felt great to be on my old bike again and in some ways it was like meeting up with an old friend for lunch. We were able to reacquaint with each other in no time and it felt like no time has passed since I was last on it. The only crappy part is this year I started to use clipless pedals and where my clips on my shoes are positioned are not in the most natural/intuitive position. So I have to look down almost every time to line my feet up on the pedal and try to clip in. I need to get my Bike mechanic (aka Mike) to adjust them for me.

Monday – 25k bike ride

Tuesday – traveled to a Client site 😦

Thursday – 9k run

Friday – 5.00 am Boot camp

Saturday – 25k bike ride

Sunday – 24k run

 

Total Bike mileage: 50k

Total Running mileage: 33k

 

Turning a new Leaf – Again!

Instead of the line from LMFAO’s song “I’m sexy and I know it”, after the run club session last night I will be singing “I’m sexy fat and I know it”. I know I have gained weight recently and I know that it is stifling my running but last night’s run club workout made it all too apparent I have slipped majorly in my running abilities and it needs to change!

The workout was supposed to be as follows, along with the actual times:

Thursday – 4k warm-up  (Actual:  5:50/km average – probably a little too fast for the warm-up part)
  – 2k @ LT + 0:20 pace  (5:20/km) – (Actual 5:31/km)
  – 2k @ LT + 0:10 pace   (5:10/km) – (Actual 5:24/km)
  – 2k @ LT  pace  (5:00/km) – (Actual: A fellow running friend was heading back so I too called it quits as I felt deflated and knew I would have major troubles with the last 2k)
There should be a SHORT walk break after each 2k repeat; about 1 minute.
   – 3k cool down (Actual: cool down)
Despite feeling like crap for not being able to keep up with my fellow pace group when I got home I pretty much wanted to indulge in ‘bad food’. I managed to resist and had a healthy sandwich instead but it took every resistance muscle I had not to reach for a chocolate granola bar. This is not going to be easy but I need/want to get back to where I was running and fitting into my clothes!
This morning I got up at 4.30 am in preparation to meet my bootcamp posse at 5.00 am. I wasn’t able to confirm the day before that they were going to be there and figured if no one showed I would turn around and do my own thing. I was exhausted and sore from last night’s intense workout but I was happy to see the lights of L’s car in the parking lot of where we usually meet and B pulled up just after us. She put us through 40 minutes of bootcamp drills and I took us through 20 minutes of a yoga cool down. Although some of  the exercises were tough I enjoyed every minute of it.
We also had a cheerleader this morning, or maybe there were two cheerleaders that were keeping a close eye on us with curious but playful eyes.  Given my past experience with a Fox who was quite playful with my belongings I recommended that we all hide our keys, just in case. 
When I got home I got on the scale. Drum roll………152.4 pounds. Goal to lose 20 pounds!
Here I go….

Weighed Down

This morning I met two of my regular and dear running friends at our usual time of 5.00 am but this time at a new spot. It was a nice change of scenery even though most of the time we are engrossed in the tales of our lives. The workout on tap this morning was hills. Up until this spring, I owned hills. In other words, I always found a surge of strength to pull me up the hill with ease and often I was the first one at the top. Things have changed and now I am the last. It all started when I came down with an asthma cold in March that hung on for weeks and set me back like no other cold has done before. Then to top it all off I have gained weight. In the last 2-3 months, I gained 8-10 pounds depending on the day and it shows. This morning as we did our hill repeats and I was watching the backs of my ‘lean’ girlfriends slightly ahead I felt embarrased that I have let myself gain all this weight.  I have made so many resolutions to get back on track in the last month I have lost track but I think this morning might be the catalyst or the trigger that is going to allow me to make the changes required.  I certainly hope so.

My biggest problem right now is stress at work. There are a lot of things going on which equate to a lot of frustrating, head banging on the table moments and the one thing that helps me get through the day is indulging in some not so healthy habits – Tim Horton’s Ice Caps (with Milk), cookies, carbs, carbs and more carbs. The funny thing is it does work.  Whenever I indulge in something that I shouldn’t during one of these frustrating moments, it honestly takes away the anxiety and hopelessness for at least a couple of hours. I have read a lot recently how sugar and some foods are like a drug and have the same attributes.  Based on my first hand experience I support this notion completely.  I will only be successful with eating changes if I find an alternate way to deal with the stress.  I am already working on a longer term plan to address this but I need something more immediate.  Other measures I have tried, such as taking a walk, surfing the net for brief periods, help but still leave me with this intense craving that builds even more with every minute I try to ignore it. It is crazy and intense.  I can honestly say that it must be on the same level as a drug addict looking for their next hit and going a little wild eyed and crazy until they get it. I think I am a little more demure about it but inside the same stuff is going on.

So this morning was a further wake-up call that I have let myself go so what I am going to do about it? First step, I have joined Weight Watchers.  Second, baby steps – one day at a time. So for today, my resolution is not to go to Tim Horton’s and buy ANYTHING regardless of what lunacy happens at work today. I have brought a healthy lunch with healthy snacks and that will give me the necessary energy to get through the day. If my head starts to play tricks on me I will refer back to this post and RESIST.  Here it goes.

Choices

Last night I grabbed a few books to read to Reilly before bed.  Whenever possible, I try to give Reilly a choice between two books and given her intense love/attraction to anything Winnie the Pooh related, almost always one of these choices includes a Winnie the Pooh book. Last night the first two choices included a Winnie the Pooh book (I couldn’t find the exact image title) and Chocolatina; which we have read quite a few times thanks to her sister’s choice making.

Reilly indicates her choice by setting her gaze on the desired item but she will also sometimes swat the desired choice with one of her hands. Her eyes though are the most reliable indicator of the two actions but sometimes you don’t always have a good vantage point in seeing where her gaze goes.  Last night upon looking at both books she settled her eyes on Chocolatina and also swatted for the book. This was a huge surprise to me for she has never chosen a non-Winnie the Pooh book EVER whenever it is in the mix.  I thought we had a little break through on the interest front so I settled in beside her on her bed and picked up the chosen book. I didn’t get past page two when she started to squawk in protest. I told her that she chose it not me, so I continued but she continued with the squawking.  So I then picked up both books again and told her she was the one that chose the other book so choose again. This time she only gazed at Winnie the Pooh and had a look on her face like I should have known.   I have no debate in my mind she chose the Chocolatina one but maybe after the first page she realized ‘oh man this is going to be boring, I would like to change my mind’.  It was a good exercise to experience with Reilly and it reminded me of how powerless she is and dependent she is on us to be patient and work through her eyes.