Weighed Down

This morning I met two of my regular and dear running friends at our usual time of 5.00 am but this time at a new spot. It was a nice change of scenery even though most of the time we are engrossed in the tales of our lives. The workout on tap this morning was hills. Up until this spring, I owned hills. In other words, I always found a surge of strength to pull me up the hill with ease and often I was the first one at the top. Things have changed and now I am the last. It all started when I came down with an asthma cold in March that hung on for weeks and set me back like no other cold has done before. Then to top it all off I have gained weight. In the last 2-3 months, I gained 8-10 pounds depending on the day and it shows. This morning as we did our hill repeats and I was watching the backs of my ‘lean’ girlfriends slightly ahead I felt embarrased that I have let myself gain all this weight.  I have made so many resolutions to get back on track in the last month I have lost track but I think this morning might be the catalyst or the trigger that is going to allow me to make the changes required.  I certainly hope so.

My biggest problem right now is stress at work. There are a lot of things going on which equate to a lot of frustrating, head banging on the table moments and the one thing that helps me get through the day is indulging in some not so healthy habits – Tim Horton’s Ice Caps (with Milk), cookies, carbs, carbs and more carbs. The funny thing is it does work.  Whenever I indulge in something that I shouldn’t during one of these frustrating moments, it honestly takes away the anxiety and hopelessness for at least a couple of hours. I have read a lot recently how sugar and some foods are like a drug and have the same attributes.  Based on my first hand experience I support this notion completely.  I will only be successful with eating changes if I find an alternate way to deal with the stress.  I am already working on a longer term plan to address this but I need something more immediate.  Other measures I have tried, such as taking a walk, surfing the net for brief periods, help but still leave me with this intense craving that builds even more with every minute I try to ignore it. It is crazy and intense.  I can honestly say that it must be on the same level as a drug addict looking for their next hit and going a little wild eyed and crazy until they get it. I think I am a little more demure about it but inside the same stuff is going on.

So this morning was a further wake-up call that I have let myself go so what I am going to do about it? First step, I have joined Weight Watchers.  Second, baby steps – one day at a time. So for today, my resolution is not to go to Tim Horton’s and buy ANYTHING regardless of what lunacy happens at work today. I have brought a healthy lunch with healthy snacks and that will give me the necessary energy to get through the day. If my head starts to play tricks on me I will refer back to this post and RESIST.  Here it goes.

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