It has been awhile since I last posted and that is not for a shortage of thoughts I wanted to get down on paper but rather I got sucked up into a current called life. Like with actual currents there is a certain direction the water flows and depending on how strong it is, you are forced to go with the flow and sometimes that flow is so strong that the only way out is if some one throws you a life line. My life line so to speak comes in the form of the girls going back to school in 12 days. 12 long days away.
So recapping…on August 1st we took possession of our new house, on August 2nd our possessions arrived, and on August 6th Mike started back to work (from home). We currently have no local support and I miss having what relief we did have back home right now for Reilly and of course my friend network to draw from. I have desperately tried to lower my expectations as to what I would be able to do/accomplish while entertaining the girls and in some ways as I look around the messy house and what still needs to be unpacked, I think I am on track. However, there have been some recent days, namely Monday and Tuesday, where I have been ready to scream at being at home with the girls and falling into a pity party of life not being fair given the special needs component.
Reilly’s special needs are wearing all of us thin right now. All she wants to do is watch a Winnie the Pooh or Wiggles video or listen to certain music almost every waking hour she is up. She never used to be this bad and when she doesn’t get her way she screeches and screeches. Of course as a good mom I try to get her involved in other things but she has been having nothing of it. There have been times recently to preserve my sanity I have given into her watching her beloved obsessions for much longer than I would normally want but how can you rationalize with her? You can’t. Not to mention all the heavy lifting/diaper changes at inopportune times and feeding. Let’s just say argh.
I love her so much but crap it is so hard to look at the bright side or make the best of the situation when she is stuck in this mode of operation. Maybe it comes down to further changing my expectations and for the next two weeks we go into survival mode and do what makes sense for everyone’s survival and sanity. Otherwise, I might seriously start drinking which is so unlike me. It seems like a no brainer, giving into Reilly that is – not the drinking, but it is hard to accept that this is the extent of your child’s daily existence right now. But if it gets us to another day, another day where we will have more strength and resources to work with to fight the battle, which it really seems to be, then just maybe that is the answer. In the mean-time will keep putting one foot in front of the other.