In a previous post I started to explore the teachings and wisdom from Ruling your World and I have turned back to the book after an emotional roller coaster of a week in Calgary trying to figure out whether we should move out there, with the hope that it would provide an overall more supportive environment for Reilly and us as a special needs family. Although it would be wonderful if someone was to say that Location “X” is where you want to be and have all our needs and wants met we know that this is not realistic and there are going to be trade offs with any decision we make. Knowing this though we still put ourselves through hell trying to sort out the pros and cons to the point that we almost decided to stay because the process of thinking it through was too intense and there are so many unknowns that we can’t control at this point.
This mental anguish brought me back to this book’s first chapter that focuses on the topic of “What about Me?”. The author states that “we live life in an anxious, haphazard state – always looking for happiness to arrive…, when we are confused about the source of happiness we start to blame the world for our dissatisfaction – expecting it to make us happy and then we act in ways that bring more confusion and chaos into our lives”. Moreover, when we volley between these thoughts of anger, frustration, and even dissappointment we ultimately create contamination within the mind that manifests as stress, fueled by fear of not knowing what will happen to “me”.
There is no question that we have created some unnecessary mental anguish in deliberating on what is the best move for us and sometimes we lost sight on what we were trying to accomplish but at the same time I truly believe that we are looking beyond ourselves in this decision. We are trying our best to find the best resources and environment out there that will allow Reilly to live as full of a life as possible while trying to also balance the overall needs of all of us and as a family unit.
It is interesting that since we made the decision to go, both of our minds have cleared out a lot of the garbage thoughts of worrying about the unknowns. We are resolute in treating this decision as a positive and incredible adventure that we get to go on. When you stop and think about the number of immigrants that have moved to Canada with nothing but the clothes on their back and compare that with our move we are humbled. We are so fortunate to be able to consider such a move and sure there are a few things that will be difficult to put in place – a house that accommodates Reilly and the family without breaking the bank, new jobs for us, and developing an additional social network but these are doable and even more doable with the right attitude.
The real trick going forward is to catch ourselves to allow doubt and fear to creep in especially on those small, unimportant details that seem to blow up in importance to overwhelm the senses. I guess this is where meditation plays an important role in strengthening the mind muscle to overcome these thought patterns and take us into a deeper place where real meaning and value lies – always trying to go beyond our immediate selves to connect into the greater universe that supports us.